Yesterday my daughter lost her first tooth. It had been wobbly for a long time, so I should have been prepared for the MOMENT when it fell out. Not just when it fell out, but I mean the moment.
We were driving when I suddenly heard her say “OH! My tooth just came out!” She handed it to Gregg. And he took this goofy, toothless, gorgeous picture of her and her big smile, and all I could think about was “My baby girl is growing up!”
What I mean by the moment is all my emotions as a mum. It's a milestone losing your first tooth. I remember losing mine and being so exited for the tooth fairy to come. As a parent of a child who loses their first tooth, that's also a milestone. She lost her baby tooth...her baby tooth! She lost the tooth that kept me up at night when she was a baby. It's these little markers of babyhood that keep falling away and reminding me that my baby girl isn't as much baby as she is girl now.
And then there was this morning. She woke up excited to see what the tooth fairy left. She was really excited to find the letter the tooth fairy left her, with a picture and a little thank you card for the excellent quality tooth she got from Milla, along with a $2 coin! She decided she would use the money to buy herself a toy.
We got ready for school. Usually when I drop her off in the morning, I walk her all the way to the classroom and give her a hug and a kiss. She hugs for a long time…Until this morning.
We walked through the gate and another one of her classmates was walking in at the same time. I went to the office to sign her in and she kept walking. I stopped and said, “Milla, aren’t you going to wait for me?” She said, “No mamma. I’m going to walk with my friend.” Watching her walk away I said, “Well, aren’t you going to say goodbye?” And she glanced over her right shoulder and nonchalantly said, “Bye mamma!” And she kept on walking.
I stood there staring at her back. Making sure she wasn’t going to turn back around. Making sure she wasn’t going to run back for a hug. Making sure she was okay. I worried she would realize in 20 minutes that we didn’t say goodbye…at least not in our traditional way. And so it begins…On the one hand I was so proud of her independence, and on the other I thought, “There goes my baby.” Two big milestones in a 24 hour period…my heart can only take so much.
With each milestone she reaches, she gains more confidence in being a big kid and she lets go of me a little more. And I know that this is the way it’s supposed to be. I know that my parents watched me grow and gain independence until one day I was 33 with a daughter of my own. They gave me the freedom to grow and let me know that it was okay to let go a little at a time. But how they dealt with it, well, I’m still trying to figure that one out because my heart hurts a little today.
Being a parent is full of so many bittersweet moments. It's amazing watching your kids grow up and reaching so many milestones but at, as you said, at the same time with each milestone they're letting go of you just a little more. For me Ava starting school in the Fall was one of these major bittersweet moments. Not only was she starting a new chapter of her life but from that very first day onwards she decided that she was too big to give me a hug or kiss goodbye as she had done every day at pre-school. I guess parents are embarrassing when you're a big kid! I can't believe that our big girls are 6 years old already. It seems like only yesterday when they were 6 weeks old and we first met. Can you believe that I still remember what Milla was wearing that day?! I have no idea what I dressed Ava in but I vividly remember Milla's cute t-shirt/onesie with "Bad hair day" (or something similar) across the front :)
ReplyDeleteYes, I remember the stylish you swooshing in the door - funny, what I remember is your shoes! Very Chanel - and I was thinking....aaaaahhhhh, lucky her shopping in Sydney! Or where ever in the world you had been with your work. Provided for a little bit of daydreaming:) Omg, Milla had a top that said bad hair day?? I can't remember that, but don't doubt it. I was so sure I was having a boy, so I actually got one that said: mummy's new man. Cringe! It wasn't long before the writing disappeared and sense came back into my head! I remember she mostly wore that red and white stripe dress from Oobi around the first six months. They all did. I got an extra one for when the twins were born. Great outfit for the beginning, easy access for change and not too hot.
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